the goods: visible progress

so I guess I'm adding my pleated BCBG a-line skirt (with pockets! gah!) to my list of pending donations. time to go shopping!!!

the goods: reunion with carbs

after denying myself carbs for weeks last year, I've slowly reintroduced myself to eating pasta without feeling guilty and punishing myself with a strict calorie intake for days after. for example, I ate nachos last night so this morning I only ate 1 egg for breakfast and a piece of turkey and yogurt for lunch. the self-inflicted torture must stop!

tonight, I made a bowtie pasta with garlic, onions, red pepper flakes, Italian seasoning, adele's Italian chicken sausage, white beans, and mushrooms. it might look a little strange, but the mix of flavorful foods guaranteed I didn't consume more than a cup's worth.

hello, pasta. I missed you.

not the worst year

2010, you're over!

here are 10 things I love about you:

1. becoming comfortable with who I am. I'm kind of strange, but I hope someday that someone will find these qualities endearing instead of neurotic-- or perhaps a healthy combination of the two terms. I mean, who could possibly pass up a girl wearing these fleecy gems?








2. not expanding my playlist artists. some things are just not worth changing.









3. losing 3.5 years' weight in less than 6 months. how did I do it, you ask? eat right and exercise. according to the numbers, I lost 17% of my body weight and averaged over 200 calories per day burned offby exercise. Jillian Michaels would be so proud. goodbye, size 4! I hope to never see you again.









4. Rosie, my iPhone, became my technology bff. I love her truly-- I accept her flaws, show off her goods, and sleep next to her every night.









5. blogging. public oversharing has never felt so cathartic, productive, and egotistical. thank you, readers.

6. expanding my sushi palate. eel is still my favorite.























7. overuse of my go-to mirror shot. I have a cell phone camera and am not afraid to flaunt my narcissism!























8. after almost a year as a part-time floating pharmacy technician, I landed a steady gig at another store so I could give up the vagrant lifestyle. splitting my week between two pharmacies that are vastly different from each other has been a true blessing. I was feeling pretty down about my job mid-year, but a few pep talks and a change in scenery has helped my attitude immensely.









9. riding my pedal bike, jogging around a track field, and remembering sweating publically is not as bad as I think it is. well. sort of. at least I got some good pictures out of my embarassing encounters with the world.









10. creating memories with others and trying to return the favor.









... and the beat goes on.

fleeting

right now, I am enjoying my Christmas tree.






right now, I know my career must involve creativity and using my hands. last night's Christmas card-making gusto gave me the biggest sense of accomplishment in a great while.






right now, the scale says I weigh the same yet I feel like a gooey chub ball. so please excuse my self-portrait of just my face... self-esteem is low these days.






right now, I should focus on this message:






right now, I appreciate my dry and corny sense of humor because I will never be bored.






right now, my insides feel kind of like this:






right now, I love tumblr. it's the last thing I look at before bed, one of the first things I see when I wake up, and I find myself sitting on the pot long for longer than usual just scrolling and tapping and saving images.














right now, I am thankful my apartment's landlord keeps our stairs and parking lot relatively ice free. you know one of my greatest fears is falling backwards down a flight of stairs, right?






right now, I think broccoli would be more popular if it would just taste like bacon.






right now, I can't stop listening to Taylor Swift's "speak now" album. it's like the booze-free, more fiddle-ish version of pink!'s "funhouse" album. you should YouTube tay's acoustic version of "haunted."






right now, I'm still depressed after finishing season 2 of joss whedon's "dollhouse" tv series. so amazing. so many "WHAT THE EFF JUST HAPPENED?!!!" moments. I suppose watching all 12 episodes in a row only contributed to the feeling of being sucked into yet another canceled tv show's world. sigh.







right now, I don't know how to separate complicated from simple, realizable from abstraction, motivation from desperation.

but, like always, I'll ride it out. thanks for reading.

wrap up

hello, readers:

yesterday was the end of one month of new. I found it to be lamer than I expected, but doing new stuff costs money-- and I don't have much extra these days. I hope you've enjoyed reading my adventures, but I think my blogging will slow down now as I venture into the realms of tumblr...

some things I didn't get around to trying this month that are still on my list of "news" to complete:

- making a fabric kitchen apron-- I have the pattern and access to a sewing machine... just have to cut and stitch!

- cooking Indian food

- piercing my ears again. I want to wear rhinestones forever. (there's something too Miley Cyrus about that statement.)

- reading the entire bible. my bible app for iPhone (the world is truly at my fingertips) has a "read the bible in 90 days" reading plan, which I plan to start soon-- it's a big commitment, but I think I would really benefit from reading the text myself instead of rely solely on someone else's interpretation.

- training for the YMCA race on January 1. subzero temps: check. extra vitamin c starting now: check. hosted by the ram restaurant where good food is bound to welcome my freezing butt: check!

- finding a running partner. and racquetball partner. and maybe even a skiing partner for midweek. (yes, I said ski. yes, you can freak out now.)

- selling my betsey Johnson dress. it's too big and too expensive and seriously I'm tired of it taking up so much room in my closet. but it is pretty.





- reading the last few harry potter books. I don't know if Harry even dies. and don't tell me!

- purging the old crap I've moved with me over the years. just get out of my life and stop weighing me down already!

- updating my resume. you know. just in case.

happy evening, readers. and happy new readings.

the proof is in the pixels

this post will seem very narcissistic-- but what about the blogging world isn't?

I've always had self-esteem issues related to my weight. even when I graduated high school at 94 lbs, I despised my cottage cheese thighs. over time, my extreme love for all things deep-fried, loaded with taurine, and containing enough sodium to rival the dead sea (not together, of course, although that could be fun...) ravaged my figure. my friend mentioned last night that she just doesn't believe I was ever chunky monkey and my friend tonight says I look exactly the same except my bosom shrank; so here's a blog post dedicated to the exploitation of my weight gain and subsequent loss. to ensure the accuracy of the photos, I stole them all from Amy.

starting point (my photo):
spring 2007, pre-grad school and mid-gym rat phase of life






July 2009:
by no means "heavy" but you can see the fleshy legs and what a pound of potato wedges every other day will do to a midsection





early may 2010:
stretchy top and skirt aren't so stretchy anymore!









may 22, 2010:
yes, the angle is unflattering, but I think it was about this time that I couldn't wear my regular pants and blamed "getting older" for my rounder-than-usual face and hips.








July 4, 2010:
and like a knight in shining armor, my vanity and sanity returned and I started the "eat clean" diet and tracked all my calories through calorie tracker on my iPhone. at least my face wasn't the size of a hot air balloon anymore. (and sorry to crop you out, amy!) I joined golds gym a week later.









august 2010:
my t shirts stopped hugging my midsection and at least I could button my jeans again.









mid-september 2010:
my b2b training flattened my stomach and created definition in my legs (compare to first pic posted!). I think I finally started to believe in the reality of my weight loss around this time.









October 31, 2010:
when I saw these Halloween pictures, I thought, "hey! I actually don't look fat anymore!" breakthroughs are excellent!








and you've seen recent pics on my blog. since this was taken just a few days ago, here's what I currently look like (4 lbs heavier than my lightest weight around early September):








yes, I'm wearing leggings as pants. hipster shmipster.

there's no big secret to my weight loss. eat well and exercise, and stay dedicated. my current weight is a little heavier than I would like, but I don't feel deprived or weak; I remember coming home and passing out in high school because I ate water and cheetohs for lunch. I'm okay with weighing over 100 lbs and not squeezing my buttcheeks into a size 00 anymore.

here's to being healthy! and happy.

new: blood and kittens

two new things today:

first, I completed a health screening (although my employer prefers to call it a "wellness incentive") which will hopefully discount my weekly health insurance payments. like most things in life, I pondered the ramifications of learning about myself; I've never had my blood glucose or cholesterol tested and I believe all doctors' scales have a secret vendetta to ruin my self-esteem. in all actuality, my numbers revealed only good things (including that I've supposedly dropped 11.5 points on the BMI scale since joining Gold's-- inflate numbers much, dear trainer?!!!) and my poor finger throbs every now and then to remind me that it was stabbed.

then, the rest of my afternoon was dedicated to an orientation meeting for the local humane society. I decided to volunteer in light of my decreased hours at work, although I originally submitted the application to IHS in March and never heard back. I figured it was misplaced or lost, so I applied again and heard nothing. then I started to wonder if people still think that dogs and asians don't mix, but a quick phone call resulted in finding out my volunteer confirmation letter must have been lost in transit. anyway, I learned a bit about the non-profit organization, how to handle the dogs and cats, and what I will be doing--which is mostly clerical. I saw a room full of bunnies, which I am excited about! working with animals is my volunteer activity of choice because 1) they are cute, 2) they are not people, and 3) I will cure my "ohhh maybe I should get a kitty!" itch.

and I got a free purple volunteer shirt. you know I love free shirts!

new: special k

sorry, don't have much for you today. I'm going to watch "collateral," eat my new berry special k, and steal gilted glances at my new pharmacy technician certificate I received in the mail today declaring I have "earned the designation of CPhT"-- woot!





goodnight.

new: combat training

when I joined golds gym, I was both intrigued and intimidated by the fitness classes offered there. so today, I decided to try one out: combat training. i figured it would be similar to my canceled turbo kick class, and the brochure pushed the high energy workout environment. so I showed up in the group exercise studio at 9:29 this morning, nervous but excited for my new workout.

four girls had already assumed their place on the wooden workout floor. a 7-months pregnant woman whose waist size is still probably smaller than the majority of american women was cuing up the stereo and affixing her headset. she chatted with the girl in front of me... just another monday...

my heart started racing with anticipation.

the music started. the beat echoed off the walls and reverberated in my quivering guts.

then I noticed that everyone was shifting their weight from side to side. guess I missed the memo to warmup. so I mimicked the movements, getting a feel for the music.

"forward shuffle!" boomed from the instructor's headset.

wait, what?

"and back!"

wait, what?

everyone--except me-- moved forward and back in unison. pretty sure I've seen wolf spiders pull this exact same move with me.

"and forward... now right hook!"

and in a swift movement of elbows and fists, I knew I was lost. so, Im standing there still bouncing back and forth and the instructor shouts, "and right punch! in the jaw... in the jaw... in the jaw! punch your attacker in the jaw!"

the girl next to me was staring angrily into the mirror punching the air like mike tyson and scowling like a woman scorned. I had a very strong desire to laugh. so I did. but then the instructor shouted, "now reach... and reach... and reach!" as the girls stretched their arms around like handcuffs... except at that moment, all I could think about was how they looked like sweaty earwigs trying to look tough with their reach around.

"and left hook! in the jaw... in the jaw... in the jaw... hit him square in the jaw."

my laughter progressed into shaking my head, so I gathered my water bottle and headed for the elliptical. there is something to be said for comfort. I caught glimpses of the class; the girls starting kicking and lunging in unison. obviously, I must have missed the BASIC combat training class for these choreographed self-defense moves.

I mean, maybe golds should teach how to defend myself against crazy ex-strippers from Texas who threaten me because her husband who I dated briefly in high school commented on my Facebook picture. because I'm pretty sure shuffle forward and left hook isn't going to work.

perhaps I already possess the necessary skills inherently present from my ninja ancestors.





and spider monkey... and spider monkey... and spider monkey!





and power ranger... and power ranger... and power ranger!

what I learned today: I am not cool enough for fitness classes. hi-ya.

new: hour of power

golds gym style.

-15 min treadmill
-15 min bike
-15 min combo stair stepper/elliptical
-15 min elliptical

(actually i spent almost 17 minutes on the bike... I got wrapped up in "the mentalist." that Simon Baker.)

-508 calories burned
-7.1 miles accomplished

and my cranberry-pomegranate juice with vanilla whey powder is the most delicious dessert I've had in a while.

i feel really good about my workouts since re-joining a gym. it's not hard work-- I can watch tv and socialize and burn off my daytime food sins (like the southwest-style chicken and dumplings soup at subway today... frickin awesome). today's new workout challenge is one I will likely repeat. 15 minutes per machine goes by so much faster than 30-45 on a single machine.

now for some edamame and antiques roadshow.

new: pool shark

since joining golds gym, I've spent countless hours exercising. I'll admit: boredom seeps in. and you'd think I would know better than dousing my epidermis in a non-chlorinated body of water, but I challenged myself to swim the saline waters at golds today. after months of excuses (I don't have the right swimsuit, I need goggles, what if I contract syphilis from microscopic chunks of floating flesh), I dove right in.

not exactly.

I walked in on an adult water aerobics class. so I sat in the hottub, avoiding the eyes of a rather dimply (and not just in the facial region) old man and a younger couple having a very serious conversation with their eyes. when the class ended, I shuffled over to the pool and dipped a toe in. the water was surprisingly warm-- but not TOO warm, because pool water that is body temperature reminds me of unknowingly swimming into my brother's pee patches in our backyard pool when I was younger. I always had an in-ground pool growing up in California, but my aquatic activities were limited to pretending I was a mermaid and diving for rings aka sunken treasure.

once I hopped into the golds pool, I kind of stood there. I stretched and pretended like I totally knew how to pull a Michael Phelps. except, laps made my shoulders hurt after one very crooked line to the other end. then I tried running in the water; seriously, it was much harder than I thought. feeling lost, I decided to float on my back and listen to the water sounds.

and then I decided to kick and swim backward. this worked out quite well--my shoulders didn't ache and my legs got a workout. in hindsight, I imagine I looked something like a giant silly sea otter but eh.

I'm still pruny and rather cold (I don't think hot showers could ever stop feeling amazing), but I would swim again if I could figure out how to exercise and not look confused. am I too old for swimming lessons?

new: B2B

in junior high, I hated two things: menstruating and "running the mile" in PE. I think a good mile time for me was something like 14 or 15 minutes. maybe even 20. sweating was just so, like, not kewl and skinny was, like, so gr8.

well, I still think sweating is yucky. however, so is feeling like a blobby chunk of cottage cheese with flesh. the scale says I've lost 21 lbs since June, and with newfound confidence comes a sense of athleticism and duty to display these solid beastly thighs. and ta-da, today I ran my first 5k race: barber to Boise, although the 5k actually looped through just Boise.

my pre-race self-portrait.






the race was quick. I started out frustrated, weaving through strollers and children in tutus. (now, I think a tutu would have been fabulous. then, I thought, "MOVE YOUR FLUFFY TAFFETA OR LOSE IT!") I made it past the 1 mile mark, still at a solid jog, and I heard a girl say, "1.33!" (miles), checked my watch and saw it had been about 12 minutes and I immediately thought, Frick, i'm going to burn out.

I walked five times between the halfway point and the finish line, was beaten by an 11-year-old in a grass skirt (the shame), but finished with a time of 31:44. I think my thought process during the final lap around Bronco Stadium was, "sweatpancakessweatpainpancakesowwwwPANCAKES..."

then I ate my victory food with a 50ish-yrs old friendly couple who finished in under 20 minutes. good for them, I hope I am still as fit and in love when I'm 50.





then I remembered why I should have ridden my bike today after reaching my car. stupid hybrid piece of crap, I hope you rot in a junkyard next to toasters and curling irons.

nap time.

you didn't think i'd really leave you hanging, did you?

time for some reflection.  thank you, readers, for taking time out of your day to catch up on what's going on in my menial life filled with bordering-on-neurotic contemplations about this strange world around us.

- goodbye, summer.  you were filled with questions-- mostly unanswerable, at no fault of your own-- and now the rest of the year seems like a slow descent into chilly hibernation and gloom.

- my best friend's niece opened a facebook account and wants to be friends.  she's 11.  while i enjoy social networking in all its oversharing glory, i am scared for the generation of children who will grow up looking at pictures of themselves on the internet and researching potential boyfriends on twitter and never really understand anonymity.  some things are meant to stay private; i don't know if an 11-year-old girl can distinguish between what's an appropriate status update and what crosses the line.  i love her; but i denied her request.

- i registered for barber to boise! 24 days! to be honest, i am motivated by 2 things: 1) PANCAKE BREAKFAST WITH COOKIES!!!!!!!!!! and 2) free shirt.

- i need my friends and family in ways i'm not even consciously aware of, but some restless urge inside me begs for a change: moving.  where to-- undecided.  how far-- negotiable.

- the gym routine is starting to bore me.  cardio.  lift weights.  sweat sweat sweat sweat.  sometimes i resent being a girl-- i would love to get my exercise by riding my bike or jogging, but i can't go alone (and since i'm pretty much a loner, i have no one to go with me).  so i'm signing up for a community education class that mixes kickboxing and "modern dance moves"-- which brings me closer and closer to being a true "glee" star-- to break up my workout routine a little bit.  i feel sort of guilty for spending more money on fitness-- like, doesn't gold's gym take enough of my limited funds?-- but, as a pharmacist i used to work with once said, i should never feel bad about splurging on activities that make me a better person.

- kurt vonnegut's "player piano" has been on my nightstand for weeks now, just 2 chapters read.  what's wrong with me?  i used to love reading.  did my education really leech all literary desires from my personality?  maybe it will come back.  or perhaps i need a new genre/author/etc to get me interested again.  recommendations welcome.

- halloween is approaching quickly: i've decided to be a cowgirl!  although today, amy decided not to throw a halloween party, so my costume idea may change based on the party venue.  my co-workers think my potential costume is missing an essential girl element: the slut factor.  to be continued.

how are you, reader?  share with me.

summer day 83

went to art in the park today with Amy! haven't been in years. decided to park my car off garden street by my friend's house and ride my bike on the greenbelt the rest of the way. made it there in 10 minutes, pedaling my hardest so I wouldn't be late.

learned a bit about "art" today: 1) starving artists must not be that hungry afterall, judging from the shocking pricetags! 2) I cannot enjoy art when being jabbed in the side by a pushy mom or startled by the gorilla-like wails of a child or dodging disgusting dogs-that-border-on-squirrels. and 3) it's true that art is a very diverse subject...from delicate japanses vases to leather knots to giant squash-shaped blown glass pieces...everyone has their own talents and appreciates their own art.

after a more leisurely ride back to my car--and after stopping to take a few pictures of the river from the greenbelt, I arrived at my car to find the front right tire completely flat. like rim on the pavement. suck-ville. luckily my friend's husband and my dad were there to help me; I felt terrible for inconveniencing everyone. luckily, my tire decided to screw me while I was not driving on the interstate or on my way to work or something equally as devastating. so I'm looking for tires now. frick.

on the flipside, I had a good morning with my friend, ate some nachos and an icee, and bought a super cute reversable headband for $5.






but then I went home and cried into my pillow for a while.

summer day 82

who's in? $25 for the 5k race. all flat, paved roads, and free pancake breakfast! this is exciting.

summer day 78

beautiful day in eagle.




lead to an impromptu solo 6ish mile bike ride on my mom's new schwinn.






hung out at heritage park after sulking because I didn't have a bike lock and therefore couldn't get starbucks.






enjoyed some quiet time cruising around my old stomping grounds. felt good to breathe some fresh air. as c once stated, "girls don't sweat; they glisten."






and then I indulged in some nachos and hummus and garden tomatoes for the BSU game. another great day.