another year. another year? ANOTHER YEAR? rather than descending into a hawthorne-esque exploration of humanity's innate depravity, i will indulge you with 9 life lessons i have learned from my most disappointing/depressing year to date:
1. i cannot ignore certain things.
i'd like to. and i do for the most part. earlier this year, i found myself sitting alone in a corner with no lights on contemplating what a worthless, uncontributing member of society i truly am; so i turned to good friends Journal, Vodka, and Guitar Hero. there is a dark place inside us all, but i linger there way too often-- pretending i'm really at a britney concert in a pink sparkly dress-- and it must stop.
2. acid-reflux is one big meanie.
so eat your dairy, kids.
3. it's okay to give second chances.
i disagree with house; people do change. a year point five ago, my now-boyfriend treated me (and himself) like crap. since june '09, we both respect each other, (try to) spoil each other, and are the happiest we've been in years. and i got a shiny diamond ring for christmas to symbolize his promise to be a better person and his commitment to our relationship.
4. my family loves me.
i can be a difficult person to love sometimes. i'm stubborn. i'm independent. i'm almost perpetually annoyed. but that's so 2009. and if i decide to resort back to my old demons, i know my family will be there with chocolate donuts, laundry soap, and a new lamp (so i won't sit in the dark anymore) to proffer. and yes, my mother has shown up on my doorstep with all of those items+ at some point.
5. i miss school.
on my first day of kindergarten, i woke my parents up in the early AM-- fully dressed and wearing my backpack-- to ask when i could go to school. in 2009, a small chunk of my heart twanged when i admitted to already having a degree and that i was no longer in school. while i am truly appreciative of my education, i am not truly satisfied with my MA. i miss absorbing new information day after day-- whether from a text first-hand or from a fellow student sharing his/her insights. i miss studying the world around me and emerging with a clearer understanding of our relations to the past, present, and future.
6. i write way more when i'm most insane.
which makes me wonder what danielle steele is really like.
7. TV is for watching.
i bought a 32" flat-screen LCD TV with my first paycheck last june and have thoroughly enjoyed delving into the colorful, fast-speaking world of "pushing daisies" and the sweaty, intelligent mind of engineer-turned-prisoner michael scofield in "prison break" and the awesome, legen-wait for it-dary life of barney in "how i met your mother." yes, i realize all of the afore-listed shows are either cancelled or well into their 5th season, but i caught on a little late, OK? i love TV and i'm sorry i ever said anything different.
8. social networks are bomb.
in 2009, i posted my first tweet on twitter. i also subscribed to an internet plan on my blackberry. i like feeling connected to others, even if it is only through black text and blurry cell phone photos. i share my insights and daily happenings in hopes that others can relate, react, and tell all their friends how cool i am.
9. you don't always get what you want.
and you rarely get what you need. no one is just handed everything they want and need in life. we have to work for what we deserve in life. this past year's crumminess is in large part due to my decisions or lack thereof; but i think i've paid for it, and i'm ready to move on. i'm done wallowing in my own pathetic pity of "well, i couldn't control x or y or z." there are some things you can't control. obviously. but what you can, do. and do it well.
