is it possible the karma fairy screwed up?

this weekend is my "sad face" one-day weekend. but, nevertheless, I spent my afternoon volunteering for the humane society on one of their mobile adoptions-- or adoptions at another location other than the shelter.

I arrived and picked out the cutest 6 month old border collie mix puppy named neo. he has the softest ears! I gave him a big hug and kiss. about fifteen minutes into my shift, I was standing with neo and talking to another volunteer when I heard, "oh no! it's diarrhea!" which, let's face it, is never a good sign.


and it's definitely not a good sign when people are pointing to the dog at the end of my leash.

so, I collected paper towels and spray and doggie poo bags. the scent of green dog crap is just as terrible as it sounds. to calm down and to distract myself, I was thinking good thoughts (pretty ponies, tila tequila, warm blankets that smell like fresh laundry, tila tequila again...) but the disgustingly warm poo just melted to watery chunks when I tried grabbing it with the mutt mitt bags.

I walked neo outside, let him pee, and headed back inside where it was not raining. about 10 feet inside the store, the dreaded "shit hunch" started again and he squirted out some more #2's all over the floor. in a circle.

checked my watch. 18 minutes had passed. 3 hours and 42 minutes to go.

another 4 minutes pass and I'm handed another dog-- the volunteer's back began spasming and she couldn't handle the 56 lb lab mix with no leash training anymore. so as I'm being jerked in a perpetual circle (because the dog is more than half my weight and more than 60000 times beyond my comfort zone), I'm thinking I should have just stayed home and painted my nails.

I looked long and hard at my situation. 3 older ladies are cuddling their chihuahua mixes and runny neo on their laps, chattering away. the two high school boys are being dragged around the store with their pit bull and Australian shepherd. I mean, I know I work out at Golds and everything, but seriously. seriously! at some point, I feel the strain of my smile as I tried--over and over-- to calm the dog down with kind words, lots of petting, and repeated visits outside.

when my second blister popped and started oozing, I felt the sharp sting of hot tears in my eyes. I can only fantasize about tila's ginormously perfect rack for so long before the physical pain and my natural emoness take over.










as the unnamed tank/dog attempted to dislocate my shoulder for the 70th time, I vowed that my good deeds have to end. I try to do something nice and just get screwed. rather mindlessly, I let the tornado-on-a-leash lead us outside. right before we made it to the doors, a young couple look at the dog, point, and exclaim, "IT'S HER! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!"

they proceed to shower her with undue compliments and affection. they mumble something about how they saw her online profile, heard about the mobile adoption on Facebook, and came down to see her. this is the one and only time I have ever seriously wanted to make out with al gore, for his marvelous invention of the interweb was a beacon of heaven and lead to my salvation.

they announced they want to adopt her. my heart fluttered with joy and relief! they began the paperwork, left briefly to get some money, and were very excited to get Lily (they named her after a while) home to Coors, their other dog.

I inspected my leash wounds.













and concluded that this would be the last mobile adoption I work at. if there was some way to specify weight/breed preferences or to morph into experienced dog-handler over night, I would love to continue helping these animals find their future homes.

but seriously, reader, all I could think about was going home, washing the stink of poop and drool off of me, and gorging on some top ramen.





these converses are made for admin volunteering.

the end.

the goods: tips

this, readers, is what comes of bad deeds.





a customer needed an early refill on his ambien, because, you know, he left it somewhere.  i hestitated, got the nod from the pharmacist, and went about my merry way clicking all of the OK buttons on the computer screen to fill his prescription afterall.  on a scale of 1-10 of annoyance, he was about a 2.  he wandered off, and i moved to the fill station to pour some little yellow pills out.

he came back, and i heard him tell the other tech, "i won the lottery!"  he then produced several twenty dollar bills, as he won the scratch ticket lotto game... and he was visibly excited.

"hey! want to share?" i asked him, ambien bottle in hand.

"if it wasn't for you, i wouldn't have waited around and won! buy yourself a coffee!" he shoved a $20 across the counter.

i stared at it, certain this seeming bribe would cause the karma fairy to come crap and vomit on my head.

"i can't. no, i can't do that. buy yourself something nice," i told him.

"NO!" he said, "i insist. please, it's all because of you guys. seriously. buy yourself a coffee."

after several back and forth "no" and "yes," he left with his prescription (paid for in cash) and the lone $20 on the counter called out to me.

i announced to the tech and pharmacist we could buy some amazing snacks.  visions of jelly beans, triscuits, and FRS galore danced through my head.

"no, i can't spend someone else's money," said both of them.

i contemplated how many cinnamon rolls $20 could buy for me alone-- briefly-- and then conceded to their point of view.  slowly, i withdrew a white envelope from our stationary drawer, and wrote "snack fund yum-yum-yum" on the front, and placed the cash inside.

enjoy, less greedy coworkers.

the goods: volunteering

today after work, I volunteered at the humane society's first ever phone-a-thon dedicated to thanking local people who have recently donated money to the shelter. everyone was very appreciative of the personal phone call, and most donors expressed their thanks for my own volunteering mission-- a general acknowledgement of good deeds all around. IHS bought us pizza and soda for our time.

I was especially thankful for tonight after another mind-numbing day at the pharmacy. more "what do you mean my prescription isn't ready? yes, it's all your fault my doctor's office was all too excited to load me up on vicodin for the last 40 years and now suddenly is m.i.a." and me thinking to myself, "haha, sure, I only have management riding my ass daily about script count and meeting our projected sales dollars so I SINGLE-HANDEDLY TOLD YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY TO TERMINATE YOUR COVERAGE UNEXPECTEDLY so you can be irate and threaten me with your impending transfer because you can't afford $30 for pills and will now go home and get pregnant without your birth control and pop out some kid I will end up supporting with my tax dollars because you spend all your money on iced coffees and need welfare. haha, joke's on you, biatch!" and "yes, I do control the computer system and tell it to take forever so I can smell your stinky pits for these extra tender moments."

like I said, it was nice to reward someone else's thoughtful behavior and contribute in some small way to making someone else's day.

new: volunteering

today was my first day as an Idaho humane society volunteer. I even wore my new shirt:





I worked in the volunteer office putting together mailers (ok, more labor intensive than it sounds! labeling 300+ envelopes, folding letters, inserting coupon, and then mailing everything!), and I met several new people-- they were all very nice and appreciative!

then I stopped by the cattery and almost cried.





so then I had to go INSIDE the cattery.





8 week old kittens! and they have tons of big cats too:





at least I had the self-control to avoid the puppy rooms.

I decided to dedicate my time to an organization for animals so that I wouldn't be serving stupid people. but today I saw the effects stupid people have on our furry friends and I'm equally as saddened/frustrated/angry as I would have been at a soup kitchen. I hope my efforts at the volunteer office will encourage other volunteers to share a few hours of their time benefiting their charity of choice.

i know we have busy schedules, but as the back of my IHS volunteer shirt states, "volunteers do not necessarily have the time; they have the heart." well said, elizabeth Andrew, well said.