anything but unlucky: 2013

dear reader,

happy new year to you. sincerely, thank you for catching up on my scattered ramblings. i wanted to post some reflections about this past year, which i have deemed 2013: the year the universe decided to test me and i passed (i think). if you know anything about me at all, you know that i constantly struggle with my unproductive flaws and ways to improve myself as a woman, a thinker, a friend, a breather of oxygen.

countdown, here we go.

13. i rarely bake or cook. call me lazy, or call me efficient: i prefer my foods simple (steamed vegetable of choice and boiled chicken with red curry sauce = weekly dinner option) and quickly thrown together. recipes that involve multiple verbs ("peel," "dice," "grate," "stir," "grease," "blend," and "combine" before i hit the second line) and ingredient lists longer than the contents of diet coke usually get filed and never used. but in 2013, my best friend introduced me to bountiful baskets (for $15, i was presented with a vegetable and a fruit basket containing fresh, seasonal produce) which has led to some fantastic new recipes. since i am not picky about veggies or fruit, each week's bounty was consumed in its entirety, since i hate waste and i was up for a new cooking challenge. i made turkey meatballs, roasted rainbow carrots with honey balsamic vinegar glaze, creamed corn and egg casserole with fresh anaheim peppers and ham, kale and sweet potato salad, mashed cauliflower with toasted breadcrumbs and parmesan, and many flavorful additions to my morning protein shake (fresh mango, pear, pomegranate, bananas, and blueberries).

12. exploring the northwest this past year has made me appreciate how lucky i am to choose whether i want to wake up to the hum of car tires on blacktop and never lose sight of building lights on rooftops or if my afternoon walk involves a lakeside mountain goat and finding sleeping bats nestled in rafters. in 2013, i roadtripped to montana, washington, and utah.

11. my annual closet purge revealed that i own so many beautiful clothing items and accessories-- each carrying a story about where i found it, how i wore it, and how much i really love getting ready in the morning to greet the world with an a-line jersey knit skirt or a lace peplum top or a studded gold bangle on my wrist.

10. very few people understand me and i am still in the process of accepting that i am mostly to blame for keeping secrets but finding a comfortable way to change how i interact with people (mainly of the opposite gender). so even though i consider myself truly close to a just handful of guys, 2013 severed my ties with two important people; shattering my idealization of a role model and friend in one case forced me to take a step back and question how, once again, i could so stupidly fail the test of finding a trustworthy, decent partner. i continue to struggle with letting go, removing the harsh personal blame and unnecessary guilt, and coming to terms with the idea that i am what x wants but not who he chooses. but i do not deserve to be pitted against petty, dependent bitches; so i move on.

9. my two best friends both had babies in september. ty and nancy are so very fortunate to be born into loving, supportive families with friends that loved them before they even met.

8. 2013 was the year of my lips taking center stage. lipstick, lip gloss, lip balm, lip crayon: the collection amasses.

7. for the first time ever, my alcoholic drink of choice is a glass of wine. while i prefer the sweet, preferably lightly carbonated wines, i really enjoy a cab with dinner. i tasted my first syrah, malbec, and viognier in 2013 and am excited to participate in the accessible sophistication of being deemed a wino.

6. i indulged in young adult fiction in 2013. if you know anything about me, you know that i pride myself in being a critic, a naysayer, and stubbornly refusing to "like" popular writing and movies. something changed this year, reader, and i found myself enjoying the hunger games series and pretty much anything written or inspired by john green. this is really a.big.deal.

5. i've always been a fan of makeup. what's not to love about shimmering eyeshadow or a new tube of mascara that never clumps? but in 2013, i realized i was definitely on the downward slope to 30 years old, and i decided to focus on a skincare regimen. during a mary kay make up demo, the rep stated, "it's easier to prevent than it is to reverse," and i suddenly imagined my face covered in little cornflakes needing to be microdermabrasion'ed the hell off of my skin. i suppose 28 years old isn't a terrible age to hopefully preserve a little of my youth even though my freckles and oddly placed facial moles continue to cause me great consternation.

4. my kia died by exploding the heater core and flooding the floor while i was at work. a tree fell on my new car.  a giant nail lodged itself into my car tire. i am cursed with automobile issues, but 2013 taught me to be thankful and appreciate people with car-fixing skills. i have my talents and hobbies, but none of them are mechanically-based; i am so thankful that other people are good at what i am not and their passion helps people like me who ask google "why is my car flooded?" or "siri, directions to les schwab."

3. selfies were out of control this year, reader. i will never be able to forget what i looked like in 2013 from a variety of angles in different reflective surfaces.

2. my reputation for shirking any love interests peaked in 2013. my friends send me text messages with anti-love sentiments that remind them of me. but, even though i rarely talk about my intimate personal life, this past year was filled with interesting people, stories, and memories (some excellent and some irritating) that should be preserved in serifs or pixels-- someday.

1. as i look ahead to 2014, i am overwhelmed with thankfulness. i still feel young-- even if i am not anymore. physically, i am as strong as ever (who would have EVER though i would be the most athletic in my group of frieds-- of course, "athletic" is loosely applied). i wallow less in apathy and don't cry (regularly) in the shower anymore. my friends are varied and few but still just as amazing as ever. in 2014, i hope to exude a positive attitude of openness, willingness, and acceptance to continue to explore this simultaneously cruddy and intriguing world around me. invite me to share your joys too, reader.

your move, 2014. i'm ready.

party in the USA

mission: find cute, simple, classic, cheap clothes for summer.

status as of 4/14/11: epic fail. 1 pair of shorts and 1 hollister shirt will not dress ne for 4 months.

status as of 4/15/11: nearly complete.

ok so i walk into Walmart to buy cleaning supplies. and i'm like,

"whoa! zebra print shorts!"






then I was like, "omg, t-shirts! so soft! v neck! Miley Cyrus!"






and then I was like, "ribbed cotton tanks in animal prints and solids! and only $4.50! the sign is lying!"






and then I was like, "gah dark wash distressed cutoffs!!!!!!!!!"






and then I was like, "wow, Boise Towne Square mall just got pwned by Wallyworld. sweet."

I feel like supporting Walmart is almost the equivalent to supporting terrorism (wait, can I say that without DHS banging down my door? guess we'll find out....), but then again kudos to them for marketing a desireable product at a reasonable price.

and I also found a strip of 5 buttons to replace old buttons on a sweater... which is great because I only need five-- not 6 or multiples of 2. if you truly know me, you'll know why I have issues with paying for that extra button.

now to clean my apartment before the black helicopters show up.

the goods: tips

this, readers, is what comes of bad deeds.





a customer needed an early refill on his ambien, because, you know, he left it somewhere.  i hestitated, got the nod from the pharmacist, and went about my merry way clicking all of the OK buttons on the computer screen to fill his prescription afterall.  on a scale of 1-10 of annoyance, he was about a 2.  he wandered off, and i moved to the fill station to pour some little yellow pills out.

he came back, and i heard him tell the other tech, "i won the lottery!"  he then produced several twenty dollar bills, as he won the scratch ticket lotto game... and he was visibly excited.

"hey! want to share?" i asked him, ambien bottle in hand.

"if it wasn't for you, i wouldn't have waited around and won! buy yourself a coffee!" he shoved a $20 across the counter.

i stared at it, certain this seeming bribe would cause the karma fairy to come crap and vomit on my head.

"i can't. no, i can't do that. buy yourself something nice," i told him.

"NO!" he said, "i insist. please, it's all because of you guys. seriously. buy yourself a coffee."

after several back and forth "no" and "yes," he left with his prescription (paid for in cash) and the lone $20 on the counter called out to me.

i announced to the tech and pharmacist we could buy some amazing snacks.  visions of jelly beans, triscuits, and FRS galore danced through my head.

"no, i can't spend someone else's money," said both of them.

i contemplated how many cinnamon rolls $20 could buy for me alone-- briefly-- and then conceded to their point of view.  slowly, i withdrew a white envelope from our stationary drawer, and wrote "snack fund yum-yum-yum" on the front, and placed the cash inside.

enjoy, less greedy coworkers.

the goods: sunny lunchtimes

the weather in boise, idaho was gorgeous today.  i ate my turkey sandwich, banana, and honey mustard potato chips (i know, drive a stake through my heart-- or gut, as the case may be here) in my car.  it was actually so warm that i started sweating... i mean "glistening"... so i moved outdoors.




some scenery that i pointed out to rosie, my iphone.




and i ended up on the sidewalk, pondering the meaning of life-- and how i seriously regretted those potato chips.

the goods: this is a clever post, where I am really sad inside but pretend it's a good thing

tonight, I celebrated my friend christy's birthday. her always thoughtful and romantic husband planned a surprise dessert with her friends and family at a restaurant downtown. happy birthday, Christy!

afterwards, I decided to meet up with the bestie and some of her work friends. I tasted the strongest margarita I've ever had outside of las Vegas





and then people-watched at the balcony.

tonight, I was surrounded by people-- mostly strangers, but fellow humankind nonetheless. there was the fat-skinny girl in a sequin skirt, the howling boy in a wolf hat, the older man in a navy blue polo hogging the pool table: all seeking connections and attention. there I was too-- in my skinny jeans and newly dyed hair (back to black. playtime is over)-- feeling so alone and isolated and sad.

I would forget them all, never see any of them again, if I could only be with you.

tonight, instead of dancing or flirting or taking my top off, I wrote poetry on old gum wrappers. I thought of you, missed you, and wished you felt the same way.

so, upon crawling into bed, trolling tumblr, I found this:






stupid and silly as that is, it is exactly what my heart feels right now.

so I listen to some tunes:









and hope I see you in my dreams tonight. it seems to be the only way I can be happy.

the goods: solitude

today, I appreciated a short moment of my job where I reflected on my own situation and concluded I'm really a lucky person.

to pander to HIPAA, I will call the lady with the 8-packs-a-day rasp Nancy. Nancy is perpetually stoned and has trouble speaking and breathing at the same time. today, we added counting money to her long list of greats feats to overcome. Nancy struggled to sign for her prescription and the other highly repetitive steps that one goes through to obtain meds. I told her that her total prescription and OTC items amounted to $15.02, or "fifteen oh two."

her shallow eyes moved their empty glance to her fanny pack, and she unzipped her small coin purse. she dragged her fingers through the change and plopped two pennies on the counter. she then continued rummaging and dropped a nickel and then two other nickels on the counter and slid them over to me.

I waited. she waited. her facial expression demanded, "WTF, take my money."

"it's 15 dollars. and two cents."

"that's what I gave you."

I stared at her.

"that's 17 cents."

Nancy stared back at me. "no. oh." silence. "oh." and then she went to her fanny pack to draw out a twenty dollar bill. because apparently, you have to be really effing stoned to try to pass off fifteen plus two cents to your cunning pharmacy tech.

even on my worst days, I'm pretty sure I remember that red means stop and green means go and you should never trust a stranger.

so I'm home now, about to enjoy a glass of passion fruit rum and an action movie and relish the lack of outside stupidity encroaching on my space.

the goods: lip tint

no matter how I'm feeling on the inside (like waking up to snow covering my car! in march! fack!), a dab of lipstick or lip tint (big fan of covergirl's outlast sticks) makes me feel oodles better.

tradition

about this time every year, I ask myself, "WTF. why do I live in Idaho."

for your edification

things I observed and learned recently:

- if you yell loud enough, you will eventually get your way. especially if you're a b word.

- so-called "evil" tastes a lot like sour cherry.

- if you're really lucky and blessed with a fast metabolism, you can eat a hot pocket every day for lunch AND an entire package of Oreos and not weigh 400 lbs. or you can just do crack.

- apparently a little pain-- perhaps a fist to your "olives," if you are male-- can greatly alter 1) your model bone structure as evidenced by your drivers license photo, 2) your approximate physical age as also evidenced by the DMV photographer, and 3) your fashion sense.

- children never lie. unless, of course, you threaten immediate termination of a cell phone. which, by the way, only works if said threats happen before the child confers with other parent first and decides upon an alternate, differing course of action.

- some people still believe in the controlling mind powers of the transgender community to cause embarassing Freudian slips of the tongue.

- blogs dedicated only to exposing the good things in life just simply can't exist. impossible. nada.

new: volunteering

today was my first day as an Idaho humane society volunteer. I even wore my new shirt:





I worked in the volunteer office putting together mailers (ok, more labor intensive than it sounds! labeling 300+ envelopes, folding letters, inserting coupon, and then mailing everything!), and I met several new people-- they were all very nice and appreciative!

then I stopped by the cattery and almost cried.





so then I had to go INSIDE the cattery.





8 week old kittens! and they have tons of big cats too:





at least I had the self-control to avoid the puppy rooms.

I decided to dedicate my time to an organization for animals so that I wouldn't be serving stupid people. but today I saw the effects stupid people have on our furry friends and I'm equally as saddened/frustrated/angry as I would have been at a soup kitchen. I hope my efforts at the volunteer office will encourage other volunteers to share a few hours of their time benefiting their charity of choice.

i know we have busy schedules, but as the back of my IHS volunteer shirt states, "volunteers do not necessarily have the time; they have the heart." well said, elizabeth Andrew, well said.

new: all hallows eve @ bulls head pub

this year, Amy and I both tried something new: dressing up and going out for Halloween! I was a cowgirl, and she was a cat. I was super stoked to buy my boots and denim cutoffs for super cheap-- under $25 for both items-- and I owned or borrowed the remaining parts.






i even curled my hair in little ringlets for tonight!

here's Amy:






we chose the bulls head pub in meridian for our halloween destination. the no-smoking atmosphere was awesome! so nice to come home and not smell like marlboro man's armpit. we split some nachos and laughed at the comedy show--Gabriel something (he's been on comedy central)-- and grooved to the dueling pianos afterward. Amy put on a sad frown until I requested "jet airliner" by Steve miller band for her.

a fun night! so glad to experience something new with a good friend.

new: misc

new: zero calorie, zero sugar, zero taste rating Monster aka poison disguised as canned energy






new: fall leaves make the view from my balcony nearly picture-perfect






new: my first pair of danskos. miracle to solve my aching feet? pending.






new: fall attire. complete with new skinny jeans.





what's new with you, reader?

new: Asian market

today, I visited the new Asian market in Boise. it's been open for about 2 months, according to the nice employee who patiently waited on me as I squealed over the Hello Kitty barrettes. I wandered through the market, observing the odd:






the delicious:






the awesome:






the questionable:






the uncanny:






the petite:





until I found exactly what I was looking for:





it's owned by a man named Ray and his wife, and they purchase the majority of their goods from Chinatown in San Francisco-- so rest assured that you are probably not supporting Vietnamese terrorism or pagan black market mobsters. Peace sign, and out.

new: CPht

well, i finally took the plunge: i received my pharmacy technician certification.  the testing location was boise state's technology building, so i rode my bike on the greenbelt this morning to get there; today was truly a perfect, sunny yet crisp day in boise and the fresh air woke me up more than my morning java-- i don't think i could have picked a more beautiful day to ride towards an exam.  i can only speculate as to the real reason for my silly procrastination... my national certification means i will get a raise and can now brag about my awesome job title on my ever-waning CV.

because, you know this piece of paper with a number on it saying i passed has nothing to do with my ability to calculate days supply, or figure out how much blah i will need to make 20% of blah with blah-blah, or recite the formula for young's, fried's, and clarks rule for calculating childrens' dosing, or recognizing the difference between a proton pump inhibitor and an h-2 blocker.

i mean, you know that this certification really entitles me to go to work each and every day with a smile and freshly washed white smock-- where i can pander to narcotics addicts, and pretend like i care that the diapers being purchased are for a 17-year-old tabby cat with incontinence issues, and completely screw over yet another grandma who pays hundreds of dollars a month so she can breathe and build up her decaying femurs, and gradually despise every.single.welfare.recipient who reaches inside her coach purse with her manicured nails reeking of menthols in her juicy couture track suit, and answer the incessantly ringing phone with a genuine greeting and desire to help out my fellow human sickies.

congratulations to me.

summer day 85

some things never change. like my hair always grows back after a haircut.





like the leaves beginning to turn yellow with fall's impending seasonal reign.

I love this time of year.

summer day 83

went to art in the park today with Amy! haven't been in years. decided to park my car off garden street by my friend's house and ride my bike on the greenbelt the rest of the way. made it there in 10 minutes, pedaling my hardest so I wouldn't be late.

learned a bit about "art" today: 1) starving artists must not be that hungry afterall, judging from the shocking pricetags! 2) I cannot enjoy art when being jabbed in the side by a pushy mom or startled by the gorilla-like wails of a child or dodging disgusting dogs-that-border-on-squirrels. and 3) it's true that art is a very diverse subject...from delicate japanses vases to leather knots to giant squash-shaped blown glass pieces...everyone has their own talents and appreciates their own art.

after a more leisurely ride back to my car--and after stopping to take a few pictures of the river from the greenbelt, I arrived at my car to find the front right tire completely flat. like rim on the pavement. suck-ville. luckily my friend's husband and my dad were there to help me; I felt terrible for inconveniencing everyone. luckily, my tire decided to screw me while I was not driving on the interstate or on my way to work or something equally as devastating. so I'm looking for tires now. frick.

on the flipside, I had a good morning with my friend, ate some nachos and an icee, and bought a super cute reversable headband for $5.






but then I went home and cried into my pillow for a while.

summer day 79

downloaded a new camera app for my iPhone. this is entertainment.

summer day 78

beautiful day in eagle.




lead to an impromptu solo 6ish mile bike ride on my mom's new schwinn.






hung out at heritage park after sulking because I didn't have a bike lock and therefore couldn't get starbucks.






enjoyed some quiet time cruising around my old stomping grounds. felt good to breathe some fresh air. as c once stated, "girls don't sweat; they glisten."






and then I indulged in some nachos and hummus and garden tomatoes for the BSU game. another great day.

summer day 67

this is good news. planning a bike ride for tomorrow.

summer day 66

amy treated me to olive garden last night as a thank you for watching her house last weekend, so more food makes me want to vomit. however, I saw this restaurant on my way home from the nampa store (actually not a bad place/shift...): hello, beefy's that also sells teriyaki. this is true 2c.