25 December 2010

spoiled

too often, I am bogged down with the miseries of life. this holiday season has been a much needed reminder that life goes on-- and so will I.

- the ugly sweater holiday party with ornament exchange, sweets, crab rangoons, games, and conversation.






- little indulgences like egg salad sandwiches.






- Christy and Ryan's cookie decorating party. I made a starfish with bullet holes and an evil Ginger girl.










- company holiday party with booze, treats, weiner dogs, and "festive" wear.

- amazingly generous gifts from friends and coworkers that nearly made me cry.






- Christmas eve and morning with my family.






- playing with my new toys, including 3 new outfits (2 vests, 3 shirts, sweater, 2 leggings, scarf, and socks-- all coordinated!), comforter bed set, misc items, and a sewing machine! I tested my skills and made a crappy tiny pillow case for hello kitty ornament...






- remembering the real reason for the season.

merry Christmas to you, reader. warmest wishes always.




16 December 2010

fleeting

right now, I am enjoying my Christmas tree.






right now, I know my career must involve creativity and using my hands. last night's Christmas card-making gusto gave me the biggest sense of accomplishment in a great while.






right now, the scale says I weigh the same yet I feel like a gooey chub ball. so please excuse my self-portrait of just my face... self-esteem is low these days.






right now, I should focus on this message:






right now, I appreciate my dry and corny sense of humor because I will never be bored.






right now, my insides feel kind of like this:






right now, I love tumblr. it's the last thing I look at before bed, one of the first things I see when I wake up, and I find myself sitting on the pot long for longer than usual just scrolling and tapping and saving images.














right now, I am thankful my apartment's landlord keeps our stairs and parking lot relatively ice free. you know one of my greatest fears is falling backwards down a flight of stairs, right?






right now, I think broccoli would be more popular if it would just taste like bacon.






right now, I can't stop listening to Taylor Swift's "speak now" album. it's like the booze-free, more fiddle-ish version of pink!'s "funhouse" album. you should YouTube tay's acoustic version of "haunted."






right now, I'm still depressed after finishing season 2 of joss whedon's "dollhouse" tv series. so amazing. so many "WHAT THE EFF JUST HAPPENED?!!!" moments. I suppose watching all 12 episodes in a row only contributed to the feeling of being sucked into yet another canceled tv show's world. sigh.







right now, I don't know how to separate complicated from simple, realizable from abstraction, motivation from desperation.

but, like always, I'll ride it out. thanks for reading.




08 December 2010

like a prism

about a week ago, a customer paid for her prescription with a credit card that had an image of her daughter and her standing in front of a large mountain.  she told me that her capital one card let her choose her own background picture-- and i added "had to choose from a golf ball, forest, or flower" to the long list of reasons why i despise US bank.

and then, i dreamed at length of which image i would choose for my not-going-to-happen bank card that-- according to capital one's website-- would be "unique" like me.  "unique" is such a quaint way to describe me.  i prefer "special," if you must know.

maybe i would pick a classic, cute background design to show my artsy side.



or maybe something to show my angsty/emo side:


or maybe something to show my resclusive but still loves comic strips side:


or something to remind me of my favorite place on earth (besides my bed), patrick's point:



or maybe something to show my soft spot for pandas, especially little fuzzy baby waby pandas:


wow, i can't forget britney from my all-time favorite photo shoot:

what about you, reader? what image would you choose?

01 December 2010

tradition










about this time every year, I ask myself, "WTF. why do I live in Idaho."

28 November 2010

childhood envy

I wasted about 4 hours of my life at the mall today, except for a sliver of heaven at the end of the trip during which I ventured to the third floor at Dillards--the childrens' department's location-- and greatly coveted everything in sight.





puma hoodies in pretty colors for $14.99.





Jessica Simpson coat with tiny rosebuds at the waist, bell sleeves, and perfect fit for me.





hello kitty pink sparkly tutu!





I about peed my pants. how adorable is this!

and duh, I had to try one on.





like OMG. it fits! THIS MEANS SOMEONE NEEDS TO HOST A TUTU PARTY NOW! DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!

20 November 2010

home is where...

today marks my two year anniversary in my own apartment. being on my own is my greatest blessing.






to me, home is where I go when I am sad, unmotivated, and grumpy. it's also where I am most content and comfortable, where I feel safe and relaxed. home smells familiar, and I know where the floor creaks and which doors never close. home is mine.

and I love it.

16 November 2010

for your edification

things I observed and learned recently:

- if you yell loud enough, you will eventually get your way. especially if you're a b word.

- so-called "evil" tastes a lot like sour cherry.

- if you're really lucky and blessed with a fast metabolism, you can eat a hot pocket every day for lunch AND an entire package of Oreos and not weigh 400 lbs. or you can just do crack.

- apparently a little pain-- perhaps a fist to your "olives," if you are male-- can greatly alter 1) your model bone structure as evidenced by your drivers license photo, 2) your approximate physical age as also evidenced by the DMV photographer, and 3) your fashion sense.

- children never lie. unless, of course, you threaten immediate termination of a cell phone. which, by the way, only works if said threats happen before the child confers with other parent first and decides upon an alternate, differing course of action.

- some people still believe in the controlling mind powers of the transgender community to cause embarassing Freudian slips of the tongue.

- blogs dedicated only to exposing the good things in life just simply can't exist. impossible. nada.

14 November 2010

wrap up

hello, readers:

yesterday was the end of one month of new. I found it to be lamer than I expected, but doing new stuff costs money-- and I don't have much extra these days. I hope you've enjoyed reading my adventures, but I think my blogging will slow down now as I venture into the realms of tumblr...

some things I didn't get around to trying this month that are still on my list of "news" to complete:

- making a fabric kitchen apron-- I have the pattern and access to a sewing machine... just have to cut and stitch!

- cooking Indian food

- piercing my ears again. I want to wear rhinestones forever. (there's something too Miley Cyrus about that statement.)

- reading the entire bible. my bible app for iPhone (the world is truly at my fingertips) has a "read the bible in 90 days" reading plan, which I plan to start soon-- it's a big commitment, but I think I would really benefit from reading the text myself instead of rely solely on someone else's interpretation.

- training for the YMCA race on January 1. subzero temps: check. extra vitamin c starting now: check. hosted by the ram restaurant where good food is bound to welcome my freezing butt: check!

- finding a running partner. and racquetball partner. and maybe even a skiing partner for midweek. (yes, I said ski. yes, you can freak out now.)

- selling my betsey Johnson dress. it's too big and too expensive and seriously I'm tired of it taking up so much room in my closet. but it is pretty.





- reading the last few harry potter books. I don't know if Harry even dies. and don't tell me!

- purging the old crap I've moved with me over the years. just get out of my life and stop weighing me down already!

- updating my resume. you know. just in case.

happy evening, readers. and happy new readings.

13 November 2010

new: tumblr

I opened a tumblr account, as if I need another social network to satisfy my need to connect and share. however, my tumblr account is under a pseudonym and I won't share the link with my friends. it's really mine to post what I wish.

I'm already addicted to sites like this one:





and have dubbed tumblr as a total time suck website.

here's to anonymity, freedom of speech, and finding inspiration.

12 November 2010

new: reading up on my peeps

sometimes I forget I am Asian. maybe it's because I grew up in America and was raised by Americans and live the American life. my best friend's husband refers to me as a banana-- yellow on the outside, white on the inside. but no matter how I do my makeup or how many Britney Spears songs I dance to, I am indeed Asian.

growing up, I was sometimes embarassed by my Asian heritage-- like it was something I wanted to deny and hide. I didn't like people asking me if I've eaten dog and if my "real" parents like rice, or studying Buddhism as a foo foo religion of tea drinkers, or thinking that most Olympian Korean ice skaters look like a 70 lb version of me. I've spent most of my life trying my hardest to assimilate and fit in, which has unfortunately led to my ignorance of my Korean background. so the last time I was at the library, I checked out a book called "South Korea: Enchantment of the World" (by Scholastic books) written by Patricia J. Kummer. I read this short book tonight and learned so many things about my homeland in the orient.

- people have been living in Korea since 28000 bc. insane. no wonder the people have a strong connection to the land. kummer writes that most south Koreans share the same ethnic background and less than 1% of the population descends from china or japan. Korean men must serve for 24-28 month period in the military.

- one of south korea's nicknames is "land of the morning calm." so beautiful.

- many country's have vied for korea's ownership, including the Chinese, Japanese, mongols, and even the russians. it's a violent history, but also one that developed cultural, social, and artistic movements from changes in leadership. in the 900's, "knowledge rather than rank became important as a way to advance oneself" (42). I think Americans have tried this philosophy-- the American dream promotes individuality and success not based on who mommy and daddy were in England-- but I have yet to see this ideal truly blossom.

- more than 1000 islands exist off the Korean coastline.

- free elections were not carried out in south Korea until 1987 (think about that: non-majority parties could serve jailtime just 23 years ago!) but in that short time, democracy has allowed a woman prime minister to serve for 2 years as one of 4 people in the government's executive branch.

- another example of korea's forward thinking: Confucianism promotes "a system of relationships with a code of behavior" (117), and this major religion in south Korea has lead to a tighter sense of community and respect for family.

- the typical breakfast meal includes soup. my people are awesome. I would eat soup everyday.

- many housing establishments (including hotels) have heated floors because eating and sleeping occur there. some hotels have only cotton mattresses on the floor. and people think I'm weird because I don't have a bedframe! my mattress is just on my bedroom floor. I like being close to the ground. so now I can just say, "well, it's because I'm Asian..."

- two major holidays in south Korea are the lunar new year (similar to new years day) and giving thanks for the good fall harvest.

as I was reading, I found myself smiling a lot. like, haha there are women off the southern coast that are known for their diving skills to retrieve food and shells from the ocean floor! and haha that's awesome that women typically do not change their names when they marry because family names are honored! I was searching for connections, reflecting on how I compare/contrast to the traditional Korean, and wondering how much of my personality and preferences are based on my genetic predispositions to things like pink flowers and apartment dwelling.

I learned a lot tonight. I encourage you to research your cultural background. maybe you'll learn something about yourself.

11 November 2010

new: nourishing those warm fuzzies

what are you thankful for?

1. I am thankful for engineers and inventors of life's little tools like my apple slicer and flat iron.

2. I am thankful for my childhood stuffed animal Lamby the lamb for getting me through many bouts of strep throat, upset stomachs, tea parties, nightmares, and cryfests.

3. I am thankful for a working car and not having a car payment.

4. I am thankful for green tea with roasted brown rice and popcorn. tea warms my body and soul.

5. I am thankful for vogue magazine for its consistent ability to inspire me to draw, write, workout, and dream.

6. I am thankful for my college education that was paid for by scholarships, my parents, and my teaching assistantship.

7. I am thankful for the public library's free movie and television show rental program. yes, I have watches all five seasons of "weeds" without paying a single rental fee.

8. I am thankful for caffeine.

9. I am thankful for compliments-- even if I don't believe you.

10. I am thankful for the world's diverse population. we function as a whole because of our different talents, abilities, and preferences.

11. I am thankful for the little things that randomly become big things to remind me how lovely suprises are.

but that doesn't mean I don't wish.









in honor of 11/11 11:11 pm, I made a very big wish.









not telling :)

10 November 2010

the proof is in the pixels

this post will seem very narcissistic-- but what about the blogging world isn't?

I've always had self-esteem issues related to my weight. even when I graduated high school at 94 lbs, I despised my cottage cheese thighs. over time, my extreme love for all things deep-fried, loaded with taurine, and containing enough sodium to rival the dead sea (not together, of course, although that could be fun...) ravaged my figure. my friend mentioned last night that she just doesn't believe I was ever chunky monkey and my friend tonight says I look exactly the same except my bosom shrank; so here's a blog post dedicated to the exploitation of my weight gain and subsequent loss. to ensure the accuracy of the photos, I stole them all from Amy.

starting point (my photo):
spring 2007, pre-grad school and mid-gym rat phase of life






July 2009:
by no means "heavy" but you can see the fleshy legs and what a pound of potato wedges every other day will do to a midsection





early may 2010:
stretchy top and skirt aren't so stretchy anymore!









may 22, 2010:
yes, the angle is unflattering, but I think it was about this time that I couldn't wear my regular pants and blamed "getting older" for my rounder-than-usual face and hips.








July 4, 2010:
and like a knight in shining armor, my vanity and sanity returned and I started the "eat clean" diet and tracked all my calories through calorie tracker on my iPhone. at least my face wasn't the size of a hot air balloon anymore. (and sorry to crop you out, amy!) I joined golds gym a week later.









august 2010:
my t shirts stopped hugging my midsection and at least I could button my jeans again.









mid-september 2010:
my b2b training flattened my stomach and created definition in my legs (compare to first pic posted!). I think I finally started to believe in the reality of my weight loss around this time.









October 31, 2010:
when I saw these Halloween pictures, I thought, "hey! I actually don't look fat anymore!" breakthroughs are excellent!








and you've seen recent pics on my blog. since this was taken just a few days ago, here's what I currently look like (4 lbs heavier than my lightest weight around early September):








yes, I'm wearing leggings as pants. hipster shmipster.

there's no big secret to my weight loss. eat well and exercise, and stay dedicated. my current weight is a little heavier than I would like, but I don't feel deprived or weak; I remember coming home and passing out in high school because I ate water and cheetohs for lunch. I'm okay with weighing over 100 lbs and not squeezing my buttcheeks into a size 00 anymore.

here's to being healthy! and happy.