future

dear reader,

i created this blog because i wanted to share with you my thoughts and adventures.  recently, i have very seriously felt-- for the first time-- a strong desire to not post anymore.  several events, big and small, contributed to this attitude, and i do believe everything happens for a reason (what is a world without explanation and rationality?).

even as i write these words now, something inside me has changed.  believe me, the events and sights and dreams and words and people and curiosity continue to transform my perceptions of who i am and the meaning of my existence.  but the next step to then transcribe those experiences and reflections here no longer exists.

perhaps i have outgrown the small corner of the web i have reserved for my thoughts.  perhaps, reader, i need you to be present in some other way.  perhaps, my need for understanding transcends public oversharing and unreciprocated empathy.

you are not alone.  i deleted my twitter page and deactivated my facebook account.  since my iphone's reset, my phone contacts list numbers less than a dozen.  generally, the past summers urged me to socialize and connect; this year, i feel quite strongly that i wish to withdraw.

i hope this is not permanent.

excelsior,

a.

growth spurt

my iphone pictures folders are full of crafted attempts at a tumblr reblog.

for example:

hipstamatic prints.






random pictures of the sky.






edited grainy cleavage shot.






manipulation of angles and definitions.






photo + sad text.





scenes from a taylor swift song.






and other random shit.














but that's all about to change.

behold, the lumix.





I named her Zoe and hope we have many happy adventures together.

this is a good sign, right?

dear taylor,

i have nothing but love for you, girl. but, seriously, you have to stop using my diary entries for your music.

stay fearless,

a.

first item on my regrets list:

in 2007, dirt devil released a cordless handheld vacuum that was slim, chic, and fashionable.  it even came in 6 colors-- purple, pink, gray, white, blue, and tan. 

the kone's sleek design though proved form over function.  it was rather heavy, held only a small little cup of dirt, and some models threw hazardous materials into the air.  i opted for dirt devil's corded vacuum instead.  but my heart still lusted after the kone, advertised as a modern-day vacuum with chameleon properties-- it could blend into any room or tabletop.

and then, i found one, sitting like a casted king on the goodwill's top shelf of appliances.  it wore scars of packaging tape around its middle, and reeked of old hair and possibly vomit.





and a part of me thought $5.99 would be a small price to pay to simply take home little used vacuum and prop it up in my living room corner-- a pithy retirement home for such a forlorn discard item with only easy bake oven to talk to.

because even if i wanted a pretty purple kone, it wouldn't happen.

but i resisted.

farewell, kone.  perhaps we shall meet again, when you're all upgraded and stuff.

the obsession continues.

lately, i've been fighting this strange battle within (so, what's new?) and wondering what purpose this blog serves.

for you.

and for me.

i haven't reached a definitive answer, other than i'm glad you're reading-- and believe me when i say i never stop thinking up new things to write.  when someone says, "i just don't know what to write about, i have nothing to say," i question his/her intelligence and ability to observe and perceive the world around him/her.  please, you can't tell me you're not inspired by something-- a child singing to himself in a shopping cart, the long-awaited arrival of decent watermelon at the local fruit stand (because, seriously, the wedges at albertson's are tops!), or working up the nerve to try a ke$ha-inspired makeup makeover.

thought persists.

you're always on my mind.

aaaaand cue lightbulb

Andrea: "the question I hate the most is 'why are you single?' because it's really the question of 'so what's wrong with you?' "

friend:

you're single because guys are like, "heeeeey."






and one girl is like, "ohmigosh someone is talking to me!!!! we are gonna get married!"






and then the bitches are like, "playa, get the fuck out."






but you, you're just like, "whatever....






....I'm gonna go take a picture of myself on my iPhone now."






so that's why.