you didn't think i'd really leave you hanging, did you?

time for some reflection.  thank you, readers, for taking time out of your day to catch up on what's going on in my menial life filled with bordering-on-neurotic contemplations about this strange world around us.

- goodbye, summer.  you were filled with questions-- mostly unanswerable, at no fault of your own-- and now the rest of the year seems like a slow descent into chilly hibernation and gloom.

- my best friend's niece opened a facebook account and wants to be friends.  she's 11.  while i enjoy social networking in all its oversharing glory, i am scared for the generation of children who will grow up looking at pictures of themselves on the internet and researching potential boyfriends on twitter and never really understand anonymity.  some things are meant to stay private; i don't know if an 11-year-old girl can distinguish between what's an appropriate status update and what crosses the line.  i love her; but i denied her request.

- i registered for barber to boise! 24 days! to be honest, i am motivated by 2 things: 1) PANCAKE BREAKFAST WITH COOKIES!!!!!!!!!! and 2) free shirt.

- i need my friends and family in ways i'm not even consciously aware of, but some restless urge inside me begs for a change: moving.  where to-- undecided.  how far-- negotiable.

- the gym routine is starting to bore me.  cardio.  lift weights.  sweat sweat sweat sweat.  sometimes i resent being a girl-- i would love to get my exercise by riding my bike or jogging, but i can't go alone (and since i'm pretty much a loner, i have no one to go with me).  so i'm signing up for a community education class that mixes kickboxing and "modern dance moves"-- which brings me closer and closer to being a true "glee" star-- to break up my workout routine a little bit.  i feel sort of guilty for spending more money on fitness-- like, doesn't gold's gym take enough of my limited funds?-- but, as a pharmacist i used to work with once said, i should never feel bad about splurging on activities that make me a better person.

- kurt vonnegut's "player piano" has been on my nightstand for weeks now, just 2 chapters read.  what's wrong with me?  i used to love reading.  did my education really leech all literary desires from my personality?  maybe it will come back.  or perhaps i need a new genre/author/etc to get me interested again.  recommendations welcome.

- halloween is approaching quickly: i've decided to be a cowgirl!  although today, amy decided not to throw a halloween party, so my costume idea may change based on the party venue.  my co-workers think my potential costume is missing an essential girl element: the slut factor.  to be continued.

how are you, reader?  share with me.

summer day 91

mope city today. perhaps being the last one in my different circles of friends to be engaged/married has affected me in strange ways. perhaps my break from the gym tanked my energy levels. perhaps feeling alone--and not wanting to be alone anymore--means looking alone and that means being alone.

also, the end of this newest blogging venture saddens me a little. here's to the last 3 months.

summer day 90

is it a thumbs up or thumbs down? isn't this the age-old question.

is it good or bad? is it right or wrong? is it smart or dumb?








is it hell beckoning me to burn in misery or is it the glowing light of heaven warm with anticipation and tenderness?

you know my opinion on true love.

summer day 89

somehow I skipped ahead a day. hmm.





today I realized that I start a new schedule next week: two steady days a week at another store. this means I will only be at my home store 3 days a week--at the most.

I have mixed feelings about the transition. my new store is somewhat of a giant 7-11 type of place. convenience. fast. irregulars. however, the people I will work are awesome-- upbeat, friendly, go-getter workers. I feel welcome and foreign at the same time. the drive to work is shorter for me, so that's a plus too.

I'll keep you posted.

summer day 88

I checked in on my little brother today (my parents are out of town) and thought we were going to ride our bikes to happy hour at smoky mountain. found him playing halo and could not be wrenched away from the tv screen. so I went alone. not surprising, all things considered.





yes, this is real--my mom feels compelled to remind my brother to close the freezer door.

at least I got some fresh garden onions out of my trip.





even though I washed my hands 3 times, I can still smell onion. I better stop smelling my fingers though. people might get the wrong impression.

summer day 87

after talking with Amy tonight, I realized my life lacks passion. I'm 25 and feel bitter and unfulfilled.

so I broke out my colored pencils box (to sketch a little before bed) and found an old dinosaur pencil sharpener with the dates '86 and '89 on it and a pink eraser from my elementary school days. I've always turned to a creative outlet to express my feelings. for some reason, I'm comforted by knowing this.

this is a small dedication to do less iphoning and more of what has brought me joy year after year--and phase after phase.

summer day 86

I watched "Harry Brown" and indulged in some pasta today.





Michael Caine's British movie is definitely not for kids--but like most things in life, the bloody revenge tale made me think.

I've never been more supportive of the American Constitutional right to bear arms. I am no NRA member and I try to refrain from public political statements, but I will ask you this: if someone came to your home with the intent to set fire on your doorstep or if you frequently walked a street filled with cocaine dealers raping girls in nearby tunnels, would you appreciate the opportunity to protect yourself? and the people you love?

this is just something to think about.

summer day 85

some things never change. like my hair always grows back after a haircut.





like the leaves beginning to turn yellow with fall's impending seasonal reign.

I love this time of year.

summer day 84

kind of in love.

love rachel's struggles with embracing her talents and desires to be cool.

love will's dedication to setting a good example for his unborn child and leading his students to victory by showcasing their talents.

love emma's adorable quirks! she has issues and I love it.

love quinn's shift from insider to outsider with her teen pregnancy. why do children have to grow up so fast?

love kurt's beyonce dance!

love quotes like "being an adult means you have to make choices" and "dr. Phil says people can change!"

I wouldn't say that I've been through what these characters experience--but I can sympathize with wanting to be good at something, with wanting to find a partner that is a best friend, your biggest fan, and who can be silly and serious, with figuring out who I am and what I want and how I can show others what I can do.

this is another Ryan Murphy creation that I love.

summer day 83

went to art in the park today with Amy! haven't been in years. decided to park my car off garden street by my friend's house and ride my bike on the greenbelt the rest of the way. made it there in 10 minutes, pedaling my hardest so I wouldn't be late.

learned a bit about "art" today: 1) starving artists must not be that hungry afterall, judging from the shocking pricetags! 2) I cannot enjoy art when being jabbed in the side by a pushy mom or startled by the gorilla-like wails of a child or dodging disgusting dogs-that-border-on-squirrels. and 3) it's true that art is a very diverse subject...from delicate japanses vases to leather knots to giant squash-shaped blown glass pieces...everyone has their own talents and appreciates their own art.

after a more leisurely ride back to my car--and after stopping to take a few pictures of the river from the greenbelt, I arrived at my car to find the front right tire completely flat. like rim on the pavement. suck-ville. luckily my friend's husband and my dad were there to help me; I felt terrible for inconveniencing everyone. luckily, my tire decided to screw me while I was not driving on the interstate or on my way to work or something equally as devastating. so I'm looking for tires now. frick.

on the flipside, I had a good morning with my friend, ate some nachos and an icee, and bought a super cute reversable headband for $5.






but then I went home and cried into my pillow for a while.

summer day 82

who's in? $25 for the 5k race. all flat, paved roads, and free pancake breakfast! this is exciting.

summer day 81

this is hanging in the bathroom where I worked today. good to know.

summer day 80

this is me. playing with hipstamatic. working at a job that often tires me in more ways than one. wishing this feeling of "is there more to life than x?" would either be answered or go away because taunting hypothetical questions are just dumb. rocking the flower headband. realizing my car is a mess. looking forward to fall.

10 more days, friends. and then what? dream a new adventure for me.

summer day 79

downloaded a new camera app for my iPhone. this is entertainment.

summer day 78

beautiful day in eagle.




lead to an impromptu solo 6ish mile bike ride on my mom's new schwinn.






hung out at heritage park after sulking because I didn't have a bike lock and therefore couldn't get starbucks.






enjoyed some quiet time cruising around my old stomping grounds. felt good to breathe some fresh air. as c once stated, "girls don't sweat; they glisten."






and then I indulged in some nachos and hummus and garden tomatoes for the BSU game. another great day.

summer day 77

introducing the newest member of my medicine box: diphenhydramine 50mg, aka extra-strength benadryl. this is because I work out, get all amped and stuff, and then I can't sleep. so this is what it comes down to...to be healthy means to be drugged. I knew it.

ps it was a good day! phantom butt pains from the previous day's bike ride, coffee with Amy, made homemade salsa and corn chips, and family dinner.

summer day 76

sometimes I think I am a grown up.








(yes, I did that all by myself.)

but then...



















...really really really fighting the urge to purchase pink studded cowboy boots and owl pillows proves I am still such a little kid. and I think this is ok.

summer day 75

a few months ago, I accepted my chub and donated all my small clothes. I kept a few things but mostly for sentimental reasons.





now none of my clothes fit. i've been rearranging my closet, cursing my formerly 18-lbs heavier self for being so reckless, and i'm trying to decide if another 5 lbs is really what I want--or if I could allow myself a chocolate chip cookie without jogging/fast walking 2.5 miles on the treadmill as punishment.

you think you know what you want, and then being nicknamed "baggy butt" suddenly changes everything. this is a dilemma.

summer day 74

got me some new asics to train for my 5k race in October. ah, this is change.

summer day 73

today was the day of unexpected cute things.

this is at old navy. and I wonder if it comes in my size?




this is a spiral notebook at borders.





I didn't get a picture of the worn brown cowboy boots at famous footwear...strangely attracted to them.

summer day 72

I like big books and I cannot lie. this is the exception. studying for the certified technician exam = boo.

summer day 71

I bought some gum.





this is the ugliest color wrapper ever. is it weird that I think the gum now tastes like ca-ca?