give me your single and beautiful:

my mother has given me the ultimatum: clean out your room or it all goes in the garbage. while i don't think she would really throw away something as precious as a peacock feather in a squatty purple vase or my portable CD player from 8 years ago (complete with car charger and cassette adapter), i'd rather not take any chances.

while going through boxes and piles of papers, i've found some interesting nuggets of memorabilia, including my senior memoirs from eagle high school. for those of you who are unfamiliar with this tradition, all seniors at ehs were required to keep a notebook (or for the more creatively inclined: scrapbook) of at least 5 key moments per month (plus an "artifact" or graphic) for the duration of our senior year in high school. i assume that the main purpose for this is to reflect over 5 years later and marvel at one's ignorance, pithy adventures, and pre-college lb's.

i came across this entry, however, which is dated march 31, 2003, entitled, "mr. right... i've only begun the search." a picture of a girl holding her heart in her hand with "here" written in a speech bubble graces the upper left hand corner of the pink stationary. i list qualities that i found important in a potentional boyfriend in big blue marker, and my elaboration around these terms (literally, i wrote around these points) made me giggle, tearful, and somewhat disappointed that i no longer hold the guys i date to such rigorous standards. at the beginning of my "memoir," i write: "even though it seems really shallow to create a checklist of qualities (not necessities) i find attractive in a potential husband. . . i did it anyway."

here's the list (in no particular order-- i'll save that for another post):

-intellectual ("to me, someone's mind is much more attractive than physical attributes. a person can change physically in my eyes if i can see their honesty and intellectual abilities in their eyes.")
-understanding ("i can often be very neurotic and comtemplative." i wonder if i meant "contemptuous".)
-amusing ("life would be very boring without jokes." a brilliant statement, if i may say.)
-writer ("people who read and write have the advantage of learning by example through text." i obviously hadn't read moby-dick yet. i also wrote, "the ultimate present is flowers and handwritten note or poem.")
-patient ("awkward silence makes for a rocky relationship." and we all know about my reticence. har. har. har.)
-honest
-realistic
-knows his own heart (this one came from a line in a jewel song: "show me one man who knows his own heart; to him, i shall belong.")
-musical (but right before this, i wrote, "he must be financially stable to support my clothes and shoe fetishes." apparently, i hadn't done my proper research on median incomes for writer/musicians.)
-focused
-charming ("he'd get along with my family and return my desire to pursue life.")

i find it pretty interesting that i didn't really comment on three "qualities": honest, realistic, and focused-- especially because those are probably the 3 most important "qualities" to me now. i think i'd forgo a lying intellectual for an honest c-average guy. and i'd for sure ditch a charming musician for a focused certified public accountant. just saying.

i wonder about the importance of creating a checklist like this; a part of me is rather regretful that i failed my 17-year-old self by pursuing people that exhibited 2 or fewer of these qualities. is it that i have changed perspectives? have i given up on finding someone who possesses these attributes? a combination?