last night, i sat down and wrote a segmented personal essay. it gets better: not just any personal essay, but a personal essay that i assigned for my students. i sat down in my cozy, welcoming office (*sudden outburst of hysterical laughter distracts writer*) and looked over my own assignment sheet for unit one.
i asked my students to explore the question, "why write?" which framed my entire 101 semester. we brainstormed some reasons in class, and the activities we did responded to their ideas. but it was my turn to share why i write with my students, and i referred to a list of brainstorming questions i gave them almost 10 weeks ago.
not only did i stare at the blank screen for longer than expected, but i found myself bullshitting my own assignment. "ha, i write because i have to. neener." "i write because i'm emo." oh man, is this what happened for my students too? and why did i feel the need to mock an activity that i use to define myself-- my interests-- my goals in life?
perhaps i was uncomfortable admitting to my students how seriously i really do enjoy writing. it's not a choice for me. i write because i am a shriveled up, cranky, apathetic mess without it. how could i possibly share that with them? i'd seem like a freak. (who wears ed hardy shoes. i just have to add that because i'm staring at my pink shoes with a bright koi fish staring back at me. loves.)
but i am a freak.
aren't you too? don't you write because you have something to say? and not just anything: but something you deem important enough to set pen to paper (or-- who am i kidding-- finger to keyboard)? writing is selfish; writing is self-centered; writing is--
self.
3 comments:
amen. i'm glad to see you blogging again.
this post is very timely as i sit here and think about bullshitting my way through this ridiculous inquiry project. the thought just crossed my mind, "i wonder what is the absolute LEAST i could do and still finish the assignment..." awesome mentality, becca.
but, just so you know, i am glad that you write for selfish reasons also. you always have something absolutely brilliant to share, and i look forward to it.
Yay! I was starting to think that you had dropped off the face of the blogging earth. And man, I always felt so weird about assigning that essay. I knew that the complaints my students had about it were all the same complaints I would have had if I had been assigned it. And yet, at the same time, I think it was a useful assignment. So...yep. Teaching is hard.
And writing emo for yourself is awesome.
my white ed hardy tiger shoes are so ridiculously beaten up that i'm afraid they won't see boise again
:( and i LOVE reading your writing!
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