dear x: back to black

dear x,

maybe it was the way you smiled under the parking lot lights. maybe it was the way you tucked me under a fleece blanket and kissed my nose. maybe it was the way you promised to be a safe spot for me to vent, to escape, to disappear.

but then you met her and all your warm comfort was replaced with disillusionment, like screaming in an empty room that doesn't echo.

you said i was pretty but she must be prettier.

you said i was smart but she must be smarter.

you said lying in bed with me was cozy but she must be the finest log cabin.

you said you were never going back to her but she must be capable of rewriting "the end" to "once upon a time."

you said you thought about me every day but she must be more enticing flesh and dreams.

you said i dont know how to let go of the past but she must be a beautiful present and future for you.

you said my skin was soft but she must make your fingertips tingle and sing.

you said nothing compares to me but she must be the immeasurably obvious choice, a crushing victor who has instilled a weighty insecurity in my mind-- can i look in the mirror and not wonder if it was my small hands, my short legs, my proclivity to doubt, my freckles that might have precluded me from tipping the scales?

you said i deserve the best but she must be settling for you then.

love,
a.

he left no time to regret

kept his dick wet

with his same old safe bet