the skills section on my resume is blank. after pouting myself into oblivion, i decided that i do-- indeed-- have skills. not only are they enviable, but they've all been developed by board games. here's a quick brag list:
game: monopoly
skill: selecting a formidable yet fun game piece as i strategically purchase real estate with hard-earned cash. no one wants to be wrongfully represented; just ask 18th century americans.
game: boggle
skill: seeking unique (yet viable) answers using a perceptive and analytical mind. not only are my answers reasonable but they often receive "oh yes, why didn't i see that?" which clearly shows i can acquire intellectual praise.
game: scrabble
skill: working with what i've been given as best as i can (and when i can't, i can tactfully persuade others using altered precedent to establish that "azule" is absolutely a word- you know it as the uncommon synonym for cerulean and other elite crayon colors from elementary school).
game: stratego
skill: using deductive reasoning and skillful assumptions to assert my position over others.
game: pictionary
skill: effective communication in the form of simplicity-- especially when working with a useless team of complete morons who repeat "boat! boat! boat! ship? boat! boat! boat!" when i'm clearly drawing a baby carriage.
game: scattergories
skill: producing fast responses while working under the obnoxious buzzing deadline. my creative thinking earns me extra points above the ordinary-thinking minions.
game: risk
skill: world domination. enough said.
game: cranium
skill: exemplifying a well-rounded education, including working knowledge of standard lexicons and word puzzles, nonstandard trivia, good-smelling purple clay, and cheesy hollywood tunes.
game: sorry
skill: demonstrating motivation to reach the top while still exercising humility and respect for others with a totally insincere apology for screwing over another player.
game: blokus
skill: utilizing spatial relations and foresight to diplomatically foil an opponent while still maintaining pleasant small-talk and friendly relations beyond the task at hand.
game: apples to apples
skill: knowing when to play it safe ("funny" + "jim carrey") and when to risk it ("sexy" + "beer bellies") by reading and researching individual preferences and then tailoring my responses to what will ultimately result in success.
there's no way anyone could turn me down.
3 comments:
i believe the skill you possess in regards to risk is submissive subjegation at the hands of Peter's artfully crafted strategy of using each of us against each other.
Bobby (equally subjegated Risk player)
I love it. Who wouldn't hire you?
Azule? Maybe they were confused by the whole R/L confusion in Asian speakers. But it's probably because you're a good liar. You are a woman after all. I'm not bitter about a past relationship.
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