may disappear.

i read a poem during my angsty teen years in high school; i've since forgotten the title, author, or context of said poem. i do, however, remember the message, paraphrased here:

sometimes i wish you were dead.
at least then, you'd have a reason not to call.

that's all i have for you tonight-- someone else's words. my heart is heavy, and i miss someone, which is one of the worst feelings in the world. i don't know why people say they'll be there, they'll be your friend, they've got your back, etc. and then they're not.

i suppose i'm still searching for the "no matter what" clause.