new: isaiah

dear readers,

i typed a thoughtful and meaningful post last night on my phone that did not post. steve jobs, i fall more and more OUT OF love with you every day.  here's my rewritten-- and perhaps less real-- version.

xoxo, -a.

tonight, i attended another friday night bible study at calvary chapel which focused on the sin of false idolatry.  the group's regular leader was absent, but i rather liked the lecture-style of this week's leader.  as we read passages from the book of isaiah-- which the study leader (is this the right word? it sounds odd) stated is the most quoted book in the new testament and is considered the most "linguistic" book of the bible-- i couldn't help but think of queequeg and his little wooden idol (from moby-dick, for the non-Melville enthusiasts).  but the actuality of worshipping false idols is far more prevalent than burning incense and hair in a closet.  according to isaiah 45:18-19, "he who created the heavens, he is God; he who fashioned and made the earth, he founded it; he did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited— he says:  "I am the LORD, and there is no other. (19) I have not spoken in secret, from somewhere in a land of darkness; I have not said to Jacob's descendants,  'Seek me in vain.'"  so the evolutionist in me is a sinner, which i already knew.  then, the study leader said:

"it makes no sense that someone would want a God who is impersonal, who may or may not care about you and what happens to you. so when you die, you just poof into the air and become one with the universe?"

wait, has he been reading my blog?

according to the bible, God created everything with a purpose and does not hide from his seekers. curious.  so, i dedicated the remainder of my friday night to reading all 66 chapters of isaiah in order to learn more (and honestly, to scope out the so-called "linguistic" features... which i hope are isaiah's true words/meaning and not formed from the creative mind of the translator). 

here are a few things i discovered from my self-motivated new journey into the depths of the crinkly pages of my red NIV bible:

- yes, i am a sinner, but i am in good company.  God calls out "those who are heroes at drinking wine and champions at mixing drinks" (5:22).

- i am somewhat comforted that isaiah depicts God as an astute and insightful knower of hearts.  God can see through the false praise and outwardly "christian" appearances and see to the blackness of humanity: "Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the LORD, who do their work in darkness and think, 'Who sees us? Who will know?' " (29:15).  the best kept secret does not escape God.  "what is dark in me illumine," wrote Milton (and which also serves as the inspiration for the title of my blog). so what are you doing to do about it?

- isaiah 53:10-11 caused me much anguish.  the message of the chapter is that christians undergo much suffering for God but are rewarded: "Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand. (11) After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied".  sooo... what if i don't want fertile loins and a long life and actually just throw my hands up and say "eff this" instead of wait around for my so-called prizes of children (gah) and universal satisfaction.  none of these things really appeal to me... perhaps i could bargain and ask for a free pass to eat all the sugar and carbs i want and not gain a pound.  sigh.

- and secondly, i have issues with someone accepting their lot in life as "a guilt offering" of God.  here, child who was molested by your step-father, be comforted.  here, student of columbine high school who was shot in the face, know you have a purpose.  like, wtf.

sometimes i wish we all could just get along.  sometimes i wish my brain and heart would work together to find peace.  sometimes i wish my constant struggle for purpose and meaning would just be answered.  sometimes i wish a bacom guacamole burger with a side of fries could cure not only a rumbling tummy but also a wandering mind.

as always, your thoughts are welcome.