today, a boy gave me his phone number. and not just any boy. he was "popular" in junior high and high school. athlete. gorgeous. I would have died if he talked to me 9 years ago. but today, he left me a facebook chat message with his phone number. "you should text me," he wrote. huh *pinch myself* what is going on?
because in junior high, he hung out with people that thought it would be entertaining/funny/sick and twisted to-- after somehow finding out my secret-- have my long-time elementary school crush (I harbored my silent admiration for this boy for years!) pretend to like me, pretend to be my boyfriend, and then break up with me and date an equally popular and attractive cheerleader. and you wonder why I think people are stupid. I grew up truly believing I was nerdy and awkward and unlikeable. and maybe I am. at least now, I am mentally capable of handling that (self) perception and no longer fall asleep crying from humiliation and loneliness.
however, homecoming king wrote me a really nice facebook message saying that he always thought I was pretty and asked when I would visit my California hometown again. I'm actually really flattered and sort of confused. so does this mean I'm actually not the real life equivalent of "never been kissed"'s Josie Grossie? I don't have to regret not possessing Carrie-like powers? did I create a world of adolescent torture out of pure misunderstanding? I mean, I know I have changed since high school-- I gained 15 pounds and got all learned up and I don't listen to the spice girls anymore.
who the heck am I and how did I get here?!
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